i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
