I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
