I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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