He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just puked most of my soul out..
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