He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
