How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
