very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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