My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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