i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
