I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Cover your peen. We're going out.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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