Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
