How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
