Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
