Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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