we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
