i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
