Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
