So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
