Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
