Already got asked if we're dating
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
