Can Purell be used as lube?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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