Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
