I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
