So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
How naked do you want me to be?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
