hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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