Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Acid is not a monday night drug
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
