you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
