Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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