The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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