You're my little dorito
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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