I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
