fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
