I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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