once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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