I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
