Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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