My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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