Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
