I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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