It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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