In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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