Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
my phone needs a breathalizer
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
