Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
