I want to walk on stilts...naked
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
