I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
