Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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