just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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