That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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