Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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