after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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