i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
